Leading as a call...

False humility, pride, or fear of failure...

Sometimes the muddle in my brain tries to work out circumstances that I react to. I am a poor first anything.. My first impressions are almost always wrong. My first reactions are also not too good. My first words are terrible! My first thoughts sometimes disastrous...

I have found out a couple of things throughout my short life. I have been placed in leadership positions often yet, I do not feel (deceptive feelings) that I am qualified, nor suitable nor good enough, yada yada yada.. I now believe them to be excuses...

Ever also get the feeling when you interact with others that "you are not the one"? Well, I get that all the time... When people I care about are upset, troubled, in need and I know about it, I would think of 100 things I could do to help them out of the situation.. (hence, the Miss Know It All title) However, when I get there and start "administering" TLC, I find the it isn't received as I would expect... After some pondering, I tell myself, "I am just not the one they want to BE THERE for them..." It's not my fault that I am being rejected... Not a nice feeling, I can tell you...

After complaining to God often enough, I have come to the realisation that it IS MY FAULT.. The difference is, it's my fault because I failed to listen and invest in time to build relationships with others.

Why the caption "leading as a call"? I have been called to lead in many things. It is not because of my wisdom or talent but God seeks after my obedience and tests me in this area for it is my weakest.

I have to seek Him and check my motives in every leadership role I take to ensure it isn't laced with pride, false humility or fear of failure and thus have marred vision when making the decisions. God knows that I can do it cos He enables me, it is I who second guess Him all the time and question Him endlessly and end up disobeying Him too often.

God, lead others through me. More of You, none of me... Amen.