a feather....

ARRRGH! my new lights don't work! now, what is the darn use of lights that don't work? they become useless pieces of decor!!!

my meagre attempt at making house look nicer, brighter, etc.. have ended up in DARKNESS! oh woe is me!

Meaningful things in life, you ask?

1. feel that i have been too hard on my son
2. listened to a cassette tape about Worship and Praise breaking into God's presence (King David), bondages (Paul and Silas) and thru enemy territory (King Jehosaphat) and found it refreshing!
3. visited mum

I reckon my son a flight feather on a bird. If left to stand alone would be pretty but of little function or purpose. However, on a bird is capable of rendering flight to that bird. If only it knew of its purpose, its importance, its value to the bird....

xcuses, xcuses...

I am feeling like life is a series of tests that I have to undergo AND pass. I don't particularly like this feeling, the feeling that I have to prove things to others.

I had a relatively good day, but still feel that I have underachieved... I still have so much on my list of to-dos....

1. touch up paintwork in parts of the house indoors and outdoors
2. paint a small mural (outstanding for AGES!)
3. grocery shopping
4. cookie baking (min. 2 batches)
5. CNY spring cleaning
6. CNY shopping
7. collect registered letter from post office
8. see mum
9. fry keropok
10. buy some plants from Sg Buloh plus get quotation on rock garden concept for my little patch of garden.

ok, so you think some of these things are unnecessary.... even frivolous... I say my friends and I love keropok and cookies and I like to do stuff with my house. If I don't put it into my list, it'll likely never get done!

what I did achieve today was get new and hopefully better lighting for my home, the laundry and not much else... see what I mean about underachieve? My excuse.... it was simply too hot to venture outdoors plus kids had their activities... so ferrying them in and out 4 times was A LOT!

Guess who?

Ok, call me silly, call me crazy but this entry in dedicated to my good friend and former housemate, _ _ _ _ _ _ _.

I miss her. I miss her "muahaha-s", her love for japanese food, her "try to be funny" jokes, her scoldings (I mean those she gives to others!) , her "don't i look great?" look, her singing, her energy....

I still have not managed to talk with her, so will probably only get to speak to her when she's back at base or what... dunno what to say cos i am not good at re-capping all that happened like since she left. .. besides, that'll take too long!

Think she's so so brave to be doing all the stuff she's doing. Don't think I could ever do that... I admire her spunk, ability to learn and then teach, her love for people, her dedication and obedience to our LORD!

Ok, so she's not ALWAYS right but neither am I! So, why can't I simply appreciate my friend? Thing is, i am usually slow at appreciating people, and I got funny ways of doing it...

Believe me, there's lots more to say about this lady but for now, may the LORD continue to bless and watch over her where she's at, enrich her with His presence daily and touch lives through her!

Love you lots, _ _ _ _ _ _ _!

troubling thots....

Ever succumb to the temptation of comparing someone to someone else? I wonder if it is a sin to compare? Does anyone fall short of your glory?

How can I stop? It is disheartening to know that I do this and yet hate it when others do that to me! Woe is me!

Why do we compare? What drives us? Dissatisfaction? Why does one have to be better than the other? Why can't we be content with "different"?

I guess pleasing people.. or wait, acceptance, is the goal of the exercise. Why can't we be ourselves AND be pleasing? Why must I be conformed to another person's idea of right, or good or acceptable?

Can I accept someone else for who they are and yet still love them? ... really? I say I do but I have seen myself NOT doing it... Woe is me! LORD, do a work in me to change me to be more like you! May I show love to your children, all of them!

running away....

I've running away from having to put down in words what my new year resolution(s) are... am still thinking... what if I can't do it thru out 2005, would i be a failure?

Also, this has been an ozzie weekend for me. Have an ozzie house guest and 2 ozzie farewell dinners for friends who are headed there.... for good! sigh!

Don't like farewells. They seem so final. I am lousy at goodbyes cos it would break my heart if I thought that I would not be able to see someone ever again.... I usually just don't think too much about it so that it won't prick.

Speaking up/out without fear or favour vs speaking or keeping silent in love... I am all for the latter but speaking out without fear or favour requires a lot of strength. Mayhaps i should blend in a tad of tact and buckets of love. Think that would be easier to swallow for the recipient. My million dollar Q is will I be able to take it? I mean I should be able to receive the same stuff I dish out, no?

Not really able to articulate how I feel now. Even my thoughts are jumbled up. Maybe getting new car today... Wanna do some repair paintwork around the house.... want to re-do the stencil work around driveway walls. Need to re-do lawn, maybe convert it to a rocky patch cos of the dog and cat!

Also, do you notice that the air around church seems different? Can't really explain what I mean, just that it has changed some... Wondering about what it is exactly that is different? Service yesterday was something else. I just love to see the Lord work in and thru people. It is just a beautiful sight.

My heart is also troubled by death. Death of loved ones... How it is a true test for all of us when someone really special and precious is taken away from us. How we talk to God about it and what we say and do thereafter... tsunami, cancer, many or few at one time....

Keeping Promises

Writer and speaker Lewis Smedes says:

Yes, somewhere people still make and keep promises. They choose not to quit when the going gets rough because they promised once to see it through. They stick to lost causes. They hold on to a love grown cold. They stay with people who have become pains in the neck. They still dare to make promises and care enough to keep the promises they make. I want to say to you that if you have a ship you will not desert, if you have people you will not forsake, if you have causes you will not abandon, then you are like God.

What a marvelous thing a promise is! When a person makes a promise, she reaches out into an unpredictable future and makes one thing predictable: she will be there even when being there costs her more than she wants to pay. When a person makes a promise, he stretches himself out into circumstances that no one can control and controls at least one thing: he will be there no matter what the circumstances turn out to be. With one simple word of promise, a person creates an island of certainty in a sea of uncertainty.

When a person makes a promise, she stakes a claim on her personal freedom and power.
When you make a promise, you take a hand in creating your own future.

Citation: Lewis Smedes, "The Power of Promises," A Chorus of Witnesses, edited by Long and Plantinga, (Eerdmans, 1994)

I came across this article on the net (while looking for stuff on new year resolutions) and it started me thinking... how honourable am I and do I keep my promises? How important is it, even if it's only a simple, "Be there in half an hour!"....

What of marriage? Isn't that promise one worth keeping? Why some couples choose to give up on them. Should we then STOP making promises? Why or why not?

I have no answers just questions.....