Personal Revival?

I would like to manufacture a personal revival. It would be so good if I could get "high" on God just like I can get a sugar-high! Do this and eat that, then you get the desired result.

At other times, I'd just wish till my face turns almost blue, nag myself (through repeated thoughts), go into "repeat a prayer calling it travail in prayer" mode, all sorts of things in order to "make" God hear me or at least wear myself out wishing and hoping for something to happen.

I wish for a personal revival. I wish for a revival for those who "need" it badly. It makes me feel almost as if it were a good prayer and God just ought to comply.

This is what I got just before I fell asleep last night (early this morning, actually!)

I can't make it happen. You can't make it happen. Only He can!

Nothing profound or earth shattering. God is so kind and patient with me. He even hears my nagging to self and lousy prayers and reminds me ever so gently that I simply need to rely on Him instead of myself after I pray aka tell Him about it.

Surrendering myself in essence means trusting Him with myself and all my needs. It sounds so so simple, yet so so hard to do. All sorts of disasters, large and small, called doubts begin to cloud my conscious mind every time I attempt to surrender myself, my will, my desires, my needs, my fears to Him.

Thing is, even at this point, He gives me a choice. I could just listen to those doubts or choose to surrender myself to Him. Sometimes I fail and make the wrong choice. But after some failures, I have learnt and continue to learn to lean more and more on Him. Every right choice does something to me in the area of surrender.

So, what about my personal revival? I guess it begins with some unclogging of my own heart places first. Asking God to help me to get rid of old mindsets and lousy self-help techniques, such as nagging self, "repeat a prayer and call it travail in prayer", wishing hard, those things. Giving myself to Him readily, surrendering my will to His, doing as He wants instead of what I think.

revival = surrender?